THE VOICE
Monday, September 19, 2011 - Comments 1
By Valerie Cunningham
I’ve been hearing the voice. It is very subtle, oh so sly, and barely audible, but the voice is there. It whispers when I rise in the morning, and when I get dressed. It calls out my name when I step into the kitchen and open up the cupboards and the fridge. It beckons me when I try to schedule an outing that might involve food. That voice is the voice of my Eating Disorder trying to lure me into its clutch again.
The Eating Disorder says things like, “You won’t feel so out of control if you start doing things my way again,” and “It will make you feel so much better to just numb out by restricting,” and “Nobody will notice or even care if you start manipulating your food intake and cutting down on your portion size.”
At this very moment those three statements feel so true. And I must admit, very tempting. But in my heart of hearts---in my wise mind---I know they are lies. I know that what the Eating Disorder provides is a false sense of control, and in actuality, would create a more out-of-control feeling. I know that numbing out by not eating just does a gross disservice to myself and those around me. And lastly, though often difficult to accept, I know that there are people who do care about me and would notice the shift in my behavior.
As I sit here and ponder, the lyrics of a popular song by the contemporary Christian band, Casting Crowns, comes to mind. The chorus sings:
But the Voice of truth tells me a different story
The Voice of truth says, “Do not be afraid”
And the Voice of truth says, “This is for My glory”
But of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe
The Voice of truth
Jesus said, “And the truth will set you free.” (John 8:32) Whose voice are you going to listen to today?
Valerie Cunningham is a wife and homeschool mom. She is in her 6th year of recovery from a 22 year battle with anorexia. Currently she leads a support group for disordered eaters at Saddleback Church in Lake Forest, California.