Honesty for Father’s Day

Thursday, June 12, 2008 - Comments 0

I can’t believe Father’s Day is this weekend; I’m not at all prepared! Oh, I’ve got lots of ideas, but haven’t figured out how to make them happen yet. One great idea was spawned by watching the following video, created by the daughter of John Lynch, one of the authors of TrueFaced:

First, what an amazing gift for a dad to receive! Second, this video reveals just how important a father’s role is in a daughter’s life, and how powerful our words to our dads can be, when honestly voiced.

Because of the work I do, I realize that some of you may feel resentment, or disappointment, when watching a video like this. So many daughters lack the kind of bond displayed here – a bond we all desire, whether or not we choose to admit it.

Last summer, I came clean with my own dad about my need for him in my life. In a somewhat awkward phone call, I told him that even at the age of 35 I still needed to know that he loves me, is proud of me, and that I am a priority to him. Being so honest felt scary and vulnerable, but I knew it was important for the health of our relationship, and I guess the optimist in me believed that good would come from my efforts.

At first, my dad’s response was one of surprise. He truly had no idea that I still had such a great emotional need for him in my life. His next response was to defend himself, which didn’t help things. But my dad is a good guy, and in the year that has passed since that discussion, I can honestly say that things are changing.

It hasn’t all been rosy; we actually got into a huge fight last November after which I wrote him a long letter. You know the kind – it lists every grievance in painstaking detail, and is written more out of anger than love… Thankfully, I never sent it, choosing instead to allow the passing of time to smooth things out. And it has.

Last week I had the opportunity to visit with my dad, and during our time together it was clear that he was really working on how to communicate better with me, and to express his love more clearly. Things aren’t perfect – they probably never will be. But we are definitely making progress, and this warms my heart.

I realize that not everyone’s story is the same as mine; not all dads are willing to dig in and do the heart work required to love us the way we want them to. But that doesn’t give us license to write them out of our lives. Nor do we really want to.

This Father’s Day, I encourage you to spend less money, and give more honesty. And when the going gets rough, just try to remember that our Dads need us just like we need them. They just might need a little help in showing it.

Good thing God made us girls such great communicators…

Til next time,

Constance