Kimberly Wheeler wrote:

Dear Constance,

The statements below are the ones I wish to comment on:

“the great lengths that particularly Christian women go to to look their best. Think about it - we’re getting ready for church and we stress about what to wear. We want to have the perfect hair, makeup and clothes. We wish we could skip past the “cuter” ladies when we walk in. We compare our outfit/body/appearance with all the other women we see. And then we wonder why we feel kinda empty when we leave. “

“the other, completely opposite, train of thought was when she considered chilling out a little on trying to look so perfect, so that someone else would benefit from not feeling that air of intimidation we women can give off, even unwittingly, by our overt attention to appearance. “

Wow..you hit the nail right on the head with these. I must say it was like you were in my head, walking with me on my daily journey. This is a huge area for me. For the past 10 years I’ve been on the crazy journey dealing with anorexia, bulimia, low self esteem..all of it. Although MUCH progress has been made and I feel as if I am definately on the road to recovery, the above issues are ones I deal with most often now, even more so than the eating, although that is still an area where improvement is needed… It is interesting how the daily struggle we face as women with image and how we are “supposed” to look and the way culture and every store we enter dictates, and screams to us, how we are supposed to look, also chases us into the doors of the church, and actually, the voices can be even louder there than out in the world. I know for me I have a hard time with watching Christian T.V. because all the women are made up so completely in the latest fashions, with perfect skin, or at least the perfect makeup to cover their imperfections, perfect manicures, perfectly white smiles, everything...and to me, there is nothing about them that seems different than the women you would see on any secular station or show. To me, it makes them very unapproachable and I feel very much a slob, and so not put together and very much a failure when I watch or are around them.  It’s like I feel as if they are so much better than me.It’s like there is not difference between them and the world. Not to say that you can’t express yourself through fashion, but even in Christian ministries that seems to be such a focus, staying up with all the latest trends and it makes those of us who maybe are just not quite into the whole fashion stuff, or even if we do like to be trendy we just can’t afford to keep up, feel like we just can’t be a part, don’t fit in etc...because we don’t have that image. It is very intimidating. And I honestly feel so tired of the rat race. Why do we try so hard? It is exhausting trying to keep up. You know...the most beautiful women I know are those where the outside just doesn’t seem to be so important. Yes, the women take care of themselves, but you can just tell that appearance is not their number one priority. They usually are not in the newest fashions, might or might not wear makeup, and usually can’t remember the last time they went shopping, but they are the most joyful, contented, inspirational women in my life. I’m sure they have their struggles and insecurities, but they know where their treasures truly lie and they really have their priorities straight. It’s freedom like that I long for. To be able to enjoy life, free from the bonds of image, food, fear, and outward apperance. It seems like there should be so much more to life than all that junk. I think, man! If I didn’t worry so much about all that stuff, how fun life could be, how rich and full it could be, and wow! I would have so much more time too...and deeper, richer, fuller relationships because I wouldn’t be so worried about every aspect of me.

Thanks for your time, and thank you for what you are doing.
Blessings,
Kimberly

Constance Rhodes wrote:

Wow, Kimberly, some pretty powerful stuff there. I do find it interesting (as a Christian woman who is often on stages and TV programs) that there is often an excessive amount of attention placed on one’s appearance, even my own. It’s a hard thing to know sometimes the balance between it being ok to look good, have makeup on, the “right” clothes, etc. and being bound by it. What I’ve come away with from this experiment is that I still don’t know the answer to that question. What I do know is that must all extend grace to each other, whether it’s because we feel insecure because of how good someone else looks, or because we think another person should take care of their appearance in a different way. And we must allow God to refresh his truth in us, that we are not here to compete. In fact, there’s a great chunk of scripture in Galatians 5 about that. I’ll have to blog on that sometime soon. In the meantime, you might read that chapter. It’s pretty cool.

Blessings to you…

cr