RECOVERY IS…
Thursday, May 03, 2012 - Comments 0
By Valerie Cunningham
Today is my 6th anniversary in recovery from my Eating Disorder, Anorexia Nervosa. This date represents so much more to me than eating three square meals a day. Rather, it symbolizes new life, freedom, and truth. However, of the last six years, this past one has by far been the most challenging. That’s probably why I am finding it so difficult to find something worth celebrating. In anticipation of this anniversary, I have spent many moments contemplating the last 365 days, and what good I could draw from them.
As this day approached, I have experienced feelings of deep regret and downright sadness that this last year was such a struggle. The lows certainly outweighed the highs. Eating Disorder thoughts flew rampant and temptation to give into old behaviors and habits were prevalent. In many ways, I felt that my failures were a reflection of me and were a detriment to my recovery, of which I have fought so diligently.
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SIZE MATTERS
Monday, March 19, 2012 - Comments 0
By Valerie Cunningham
In an attempt to get back on track with my recovery, I realized that I needed to reverse some decisions that I had made while flirting with ED. (see previous article entitled “Flirting with ED”)
During that time, I had been in the market for some new jeans (that is an entirely different article of its own). I automatically went for the size that I had been wearing, only to find that they didn’t fit as they should. Although a little voice in my head suggested otherwise, I was tempted to try on a smaller size, and when that pair was adequate, I felt myself quickly being entranced by ED’s magical spell. Going against my better judgment – my wise mind – I allowed myself to be persuaded to purchase not one, but two pairs of jeans in a size that I had no business wearing. I justified it (but it’s such a great sale, even if I only wear them a few times it will be worth the cost), qualified it (this is just a case of the fashion industry changing their sizing in a ploy to make us feel better about our bodies), and made every other excuse in the book that this was perfectly acceptable.
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THE GIFT
Monday, February 20, 2012 - Comments 3
By Valerie Cunningham
I sat on the couch in the office of my dietician, anxious to hear her thoughts. During my last appointment some concern was raised, as I had recently fallen back into some unhealthy eating disorder behaviors. So this session was an important one. Something needed to change – and quickly. She asked me how I was doing and I responded that I had been more consistent with my eating than I had been in the months prior. Intrigued, she queried as to what had changed. I sat there shaking my head, as to imply that nothing had changed. And then, after a long pause, I uttered these magic words: “What has changed is that I am hungry.”
I thought she was going to jump out of her chair at the sound of those simple words. And for the next thirty minutes she shared with me what a gift – a blessing – it was that I was feeling hunger again.
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